What is your favorite summer childhood memory? Maybe it is a beach memory, playing outside all day, going to the pool, or time with family and friends. Personally, one of my favorite summer memories is having the time to read whatever books I “wanted” versus the ones I “had” to read in school. I am witnessing my daughter have the same excitement of choosing her own books. She said, “I don’t have time to read what I want during school, so this is a nice change.”
Reading is a getaway from the busy of my mind. I see new perspectives from other writers, and as a writer, I am in awe of how the words magically tell a story to inspire or take us to another place as we feel what the characters are feeling. I love to use book references to aid in making points with those in my life. Abby Wambach’s book, Wolfpack is one I immediately wanted to share and read with my children, especially my son. Even though he is 11, he still likes when I read to him, so I read the book aloud. When we got to the chapter “Lead from the Bench” I could see his interest rise. He made the All-Star baseball team as a supporting player, not a starter. I was witnessing how the transition from starting to being benched was impacting him. When I read the following excerpt below, I knew this was the perfect way to start a conversation with him about how being on the bench is just as important as being on the field.
Abby said:
"Here's what's important: You are allowed to be disappointed when it feels like life's benched you. What you aren't allowed to do is miss your opportunity to lead from the bench. If you're not a leader on the bench, don't call yourself a leader on the field."
In this chapter, Abby discusses how she found herself on the bench not playing in her final World Cup at the end of her U.S. Women’s National professional soccer career. Abby said, “You’ve scored more international goals in your sport than any human being on the planet. You’ve co-captained and led Team USA to victory after victory for the past decade. And you and your coach sit down and decide together that you won’t be a starter for the remainder of your final World Cup. Instead, you’ll come off the bench.”
After I finished reading this chapter aloud, I asked him how he was feeling about his team and his role. He said, “I want us to win even if I don’t play. I can eat my sunflower seeds and start team cheers.” I laughed as of course he would find something food related to inspire him. As he went back to his team, I saw the shift in his perspective and once again reminded of the power of sharing our stories and experiences with others. And guess what? After being supportive of his team and insisting upon being the first player to arrive at practice and staying focused on being his best, he ended up being able to start in a game. I told him how proud I was of his attitude and reminded him that a positive and team player attitude will get you far in life.
What books have inspired you to make a positive change? I would love to hear from you and add to my summer reading list.

With a focus on whole-body awareness and some simple Ayurvedic suggestions, I learned how to turn a midday slump into midday intelligence. This 3,000 year old holistic approach works for adults and children by supporting our natural biological rhythms. The foods we choose can affect our body and brain causing us to slump or to flourish. With a little attention we can optimize our lunch choices for ourselves and our children at work, school, or home.
 
Midday Lunch – Ayurvedic food is used to sustain balance in the body and as a medicine to heal.  It is suggested that lunch is the largest meal, as our digestive fire is at its strongest. Taking the time to bring a homemade lunch fuels the mind and body to sustain balance and create mental clarity. Even though processed food is more convenient to pack, it can be laced with harmful additives and chemicals. Processed food lacks prana (life force) and intelligence that can disturb the intellectual rhythms. On the other hand, pure cooked food promotes balance and is easier to digest and absorb nutrients. This gives us strength to make it through a mentally challenging day. This is equally important as you send your children off to school. A balanced child is better able to handle the emotional ups and downs of their school day.
 
Tips:

• Use a thermos to store a freshly cooked meal.
• Try homemade soups and stews.
• Experiment with rice, bean, and vegetable combinations.
• Find options that are likable and easy to prepare in the morning.
• Save fruit for a snack.

 
In Ayurveda which literally translates to science of life in Sanskrit, it is recommended not to pair fruit with other food, making fruit the perfect after school or work snack option.
 
Midday Intelligence – Now that you have nourished your body it is time to attend to your brain. Take a few minutes to stretch or go for a walk. Quiet your mind by paying attention to each of your feet touching the ground feeling your feet stretch. Try meditating, focusing on your breathing, or making a mental gratitude list. Visualize how you will interact with your child when you greet them after school. Formulate a few questions you can use to really interact with your children.
 
Here are a few questions and leads to get you started:
 

• Tell me about the best part of your day.
• What was the hardest part of your day?
• Who did you eat lunch with or play with on the playground?

 
As the new school year is upon us and for our own well-being, it is critical to utilize our energy in the most effective and efficient ways. Nobody likes the midday slump, but with the slightest efforts Ayurvedic or Ayurveda can be utilized to energize your family’s day at work or school.
 
If you would like to add mindful energy to your day, contact me about my Make a Great Day! Program. Individual and company wide sessions are available.  

We created a good experiences and memory jar at the beginning of 2017 and just read all our memories. What an awesome tradition we will continue into 2018 and years to come! 

Originally published via Elephant Journal. ​

​We never forget our first experiences of being hurt by others. Those experiences become childhood scars etched into our memories as we are jolted out of innocent sweetness and naiveté into the eye-opening realization that our personalities are unique and we will not jibe with everyone around us.
My first such painful memories were of girls wanting to beat me up because I was “the nice girl.” At the time, I did not understand why they would want to hurt me, and I never fought back. That made them even more angry. I can remember being baffled and sad at this. Not having a clue how to respond, I just kept being nice and tried to keep to myself. That was when I learned how to put up emotional walls to protect myself, an issue I still deal with today.
Now, as a parent, I want to provide a safe place where my children can come and discuss their feelings.  Whether I agree with them or not is not the point; I want to allow them to feel how they are feeling and teach them how to use their negative feelings to move quickly and genuinely to a positive emotion. At work, I coined the phrase “Pause to Pivot to a Positive” to describe this practice.
Let’s explore a recent scenario that involved my daughter and a friend of hers and the steps I helped her take in that conflict.
1.Identify the Issue.
In order to appropriately identify the issue at hand, it is vital to listen to all sides of a conflict, because all parties play a role in any conflict they are involved in.
 
In the case at hand, I asked the mother what the issue was for her daughter and then checked with my daughter about what the main issue was for her. My daughter, at the tender age of 11, was feeling left out of the girls’ core group.
 
2.Teach Them to Listen to Their Feelings.
It has taken me years to fully understand the importance of allowing and listening to all my feelings and emotions, and I strive to teach my children that is OKAY to feel how they are feeling, because their feelings have something important to tell them. And it is also okay for their friends to feel how they feel. Even if we cannot understand why someone’s feelings were hurt, we have to allow them to feel the way they feel, and we must develop empathy for them. If a child is not understanding why someone else’s feelings are hurt, give an example such as the following: “How do you feel when your sibling picks a fight with you, and you come to me but I tell you, ‘I don’t want to hear about it; just get along’?” Go on to explain to the child, “You probably wanted me to listen to you and hear you and tell you it is okay how you are feeling, right? [pause to listen to response] I know that many times I do not listen to how you are feeling, and I am sorry for that. I will try to do a better job.” As parents, when we apologize we lead by example.
 
As the child shares his or her feelings, just listen. Ask questions but only those that will help you listen more deeply, such as, how do you feel when you are not following your heart? How do you feel when you act in kind ways? How do you feel when you are not nice to others? Which feeling do you prefer?
 
After I listened to my daughter’s feelings and discussed them with her, I asked if she could put herself in her friend’s shoes and have empathy for how her friend was feeling. She was able to identify a current scenario in which a group of her friends were doing a presentation in class and were excluding her friend. She instantly realized this was likely hurtful since up to this point all the girls had done similar presentations together.
 
3.Trust Them to Make the Right Choices.
Next, I said, “I trust you to make the right decisions. I know you are kind and will work to settle this in a positive way.”
 
4.Encourage One Positive Action Step.
Subsequently, ask, “What is one action step you can take to make amends with your friend?”
In this case, my daughter came up with three ideas:
First, she was going to ask the others to allow her to join the presentation. The other girls did not agree, so she decided not to participate.
Second, she apologized to her friend by saying, “I did not mean to hurt your feelings, and I can see how your feelings were hurt. I am sorry.”
Third, she invited her friend for a fun outing outside of school to move forward in a positive and fun way.
WOW, because I trusted my daughter to make her own choices, she exceeded my expectations. Honestly, I would not have been able to come up with such a solid action plan.
5.Follow Up Daily.
Our children will face ongoing challenges in their lives, so it is critical to follow up daily with them about how they are feeling, and to repeat the above steps over and over. Ask them questions: Who did you have lunch with, who did you play with at recess, what did you play? What was your favorite part about your day? What was your least favorite? What made you happy today? What made you sad today?
These conversations are where you can identify issues and facilitate positive conflict resolution over and over.
Group Conflict Resolution
I was remiss in following my own advice on repeating these steps with the other girls in my daughter’s group of friends, and feelings in the group escalated to such an extent that the school administration became involved. The girls were focusing only on their hurt feelings and were not including the gratitude they once had for their friendship and the regrets they personally had about the conflict. So I decided to share with the other moms the steps I had taken with my daughter, and I suggested we do an exercise to resolve their differences.
In group conflict such as this one, you can try the process below, which was inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh’s “Watering Flowers,” an exercise that I have modified based on my years of leading corporate conflict resolution sessions. When attempting to resolve conflict, if we focus only on the hurt feelings, we tend to move into fight or flight mode. But if the other person first hears that we appreciate them and that we also regret hurting their feelings, it is then easier for them to hear how our feelings have been hurt.
Group Exercise

1. Have all parties involved say why they are grateful for each of the other people in the group, making sure on each round of gratitudes that no one is left out.
2. Next, ask each person to say at least one thing they regret having done to each of the others and then apologize.
3. Finally, ask each person to share an example of how their feelings were hurt.

In my daughter’s case, we were able to do this with only one of the families, so my daughter wrote to the other families. Here is an example of what she wrote:
I am grateful for: being my own person. Also, that our friendship did last over 2 years.
I regret and I am sorry for: losing communication with the group. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
My feelings were hurt when: you did not apologize to our friend whose feelings were initially hurt. And when after we went through this [with one of her other friends], you were still mad at me.
 
I include these details of the story to illustrate that feelings are messy, and not all parties will want to take this approach. In my daughter’s case, this exercise worked with only one of the girls involved. But that is a small win my daughter will never forget. She will remember that as she went through the steps, one of her friends accepted her apology.
Through this process, my daughter also learned another invaluable lesson—that she is not going to please and get along with everyone. Different people make the world go around, providing contrasts that help us be grateful for those who love us and accept us for who we are.
I teach my children to brush their teeth and pick up after themselves, but I spend even more time teaching them about the emotional aspects of life. If we can teach our kids to mindfully resolve conflict—to take accountability rather than to blame others, and to move forward rather than to make excuses for not being able to forgive—then we will have done our job as parents.
Let’s teach our kids the power of Pausing to Pivot to the Positive: identifying the issue, listening to their feelings, empathizing with others, making right choices, and taking positive action steps.