Kerry Alison Wekelo Blog

The Biggest Mistake You’re Making When You Communicate

7/26/2019

Here is a challenge for you: think back to a recent conversation you had. Did you experience the phenomenon where you began talking about one topic, but suddenly, without realizing it, got on to a different topic? A subject that was unrelated to the initial conversation? Maybe you even forgot what the initial conversation was about!

This game of telephone happens when we try to relate instead of listen. This isn’t entirely wrong - we may think we’re helping when we share our stories and that it will bring us closer to the people we interact with. While communication can do all of those things, it’s important to realize that some people simply want a safe space to vent. Many times, when people have a problem or issue, they hold the solution inside of themselves. Unless they specifically ask for advice or want to hear if something similar has happened to you, try to refrain from relating and focus on listening instead.

If you are struggling with this, active listening is a practice that can help you fine-tune the way you show up in your conversations. It comprises two simple parts: Listening and Understanding.

Listening:
Allow the other person to express themselves fully before offering your opinions, and do so only if they ask.

Practice Empathy: Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective.
Focus Attention: Listen fully and limit distractions like phones.
Show Listening: Provide subtle responses, such as “yes” or “I understand.”
Suspend Judgment: Resist making assumptions.

Understanding:
Verifying what you’ve heard is a good way to validate the other person in the conversation. It shows them you care.

Be Responsive: Provide direct responses like “tell me more…”
Ask Questions: Ask questions to gather details.
Verify Understanding: Summarize what you heard to verify understanding.
Be Open: Be open to what the other has to say.

It’s a cliché that communication is vital, but it’s true: communication is the thread that connects us all together. The next time you enter a conversation with someone, try to avoid the game of telephone. The paradox of it is, in not relating, you may even find that you relate more. Give someone the gift of listening, it is free and one of the best gifts you can give.

What have you learned by listening?

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Signs You Should Enhance Operational Efficiencies

7/24/2019

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Can you remember when you kept trying to resolve a problem and continued hitting roadblocks, and the problem persisted?

Last year at Actualize Consulting, our UK expansion increased project responsibilities tasking individuals to work on multiple projects, making our staffing decisions more complicated.

We decided to bring on another person internally to support our growth rate. When that person suddenly quit, we immediately hired another person ignoring the signs. Losing this person was a red flag that made us realize that Instead of looking at adding people we needed to shift our focus to our operational efficiencies. We paused and pivoted our energies to address the firm’s needs for an updated process to report on key metrics.

When our Manager of Finance and Accounting went out of the country for vacation and the second hire did not work out, I found myself accountable for the key items to keep the business running smoothly which specifically was payroll and setting up new projects as we won work.

At that moment, I had a moment of panic. I had to instill my Culture Infusion teachings of pausing to pivot to a positive and utilize self-talk as I told myself, “I got this.”

Through the storm of having to tangle through the weeds of our operations, I realized we did not need another person. We needed to automate and bring our internal systems to a new level. Just as we assess and recommend systems improvements and overhauls to our clients, we needed to look at our internal systems with the same eye.

I started my career at Accenture and worked at other consulting firms before moving into operations at Actualize in business process redesign, vendor evaluation, and system implementations. I even have my MBA in Information Systems. As you can imagine, I was beating myself up for not seeing the answer sooner. Yes, I am human and was caught in the tangle of weeds. I had an “aha” moment and had to laugh at myself as I also needed a reminder of the importance of reviewing your processes, procedures, and systems on a regular basis. Geez, we do this all the time for our clients, so I put on my consulting hat and dug in.
We are currently evaluating new systems to support our internal operations using the same Actualize developed vendor selection process we use with our clients.

When was the last time you reviewed your processes, procedures, and systems to create and maintain efficiencies to support your firm’s growth?

I know it can be a daunting thought to review all, so I suggest starting with asking yourself the following questions to determine where you can start.
1.      Are there manual processes that are hindering operational efficiencies? For example, our manual process of tracking resources was not meeting our needs, so automation of data is necessary.
2.      Can you identify a person or team that is overworked? In our case, our entire internal team was overburdened with manual processes, again a sign to automate.
3.      Is there data you need but do not have easy access to run your business? We see this all the time with our clients of needing more access to their Treasury or Mortgage data. Internally, the manual spreadsheets were not robust.
Bottom line, with ever-changing technology and innovation it is imperative that you take the time to review your processes, procedures, and systems regularly.
At Actualize, we use this methodology with our clients and utilize internally as well. We stay on the forefront of the industry innovations.

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Leading by Example After Divorce

5/19/2019

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Family Time, 2008

Gala, 2019

If there’s one thing to know about life, it’s that it never stays the same. Life’s dynamic nature can uproot us to places we never expected faster than the blink of an eye. Nine years ago, my husband and I got a divorce. When people hear the word ‘divorce,’ it’s often tied to negative connotations. And while it can be a negative experience for some, for others, it is a great learning and teaching opportunity. Many of the principles I apply to co-parenting can also be applied to the workplace. Once we take care of our own needs, we can successfully integrate personal lessons at a corporate level.

Recently, my daughter had a fundraising gala benefiting her school. As I was getting ready, I thought to myself how crazy it must seem to others that I am going with her father. But the truth is, just because things between us may not have had a stereotypical “happy ending,” it doesn’t mean that our “ending” wasn’t happy all on its own. Co-parenting has brought its lessons and its struggles for sure, but at the end of the day, we are a team and dedicated to our kids and their success. At Actualize Consulting we also focus on rising above our differences to function as a team. Our motto is, “Our Expertise and Commitment – Driving Your Success.
In my book, Culture Infusion, I talk a lot about the importance of leading by example. And when the time came to accept the invitation to the gala, I said yes without hesitation. We went to have fun together with friends, leading with our example that love and positivity are better than any differences we may have. This week, I ask you to reflect on where you can lead by example in your life. Where can you show your kids, friends, family, and co-workers that the high road is always the best route? If you are struggling, here are a few tips:

1. Find Common Ground
What do you have in common? Do you have a shared goal? For us, our kids are our common ground. We want to provide all that we can for them and make sure that they have an example of a healthy relationship in their lives.

At work, we create common ground by aligning each individual’s personal goals with company-wide goals.

2. Stay positive
Every single day in our lives, we have a choice of perspective: “How will I view the events in my life?” We can choose to be negative and dwell on misfortunes, or we can take every twist and turn as a learning experience. A very good affirmation for this is “I am always at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.” The reason this affirmation sticks with me is because every decision and event in our lives is neutral. We are the ones who assign meaning. How can you recode the negative experiences in your life to be positive? For us, divorce meant strengthening our teamwork skills which were invaluable in both our personal and professional lives.

At work, we use across-the-board strategies to shift potentially negative situations into a positive solution-driven conversation. We use Pause, to Pivot, to the Positive.

3. Communicate Openly
You’ve heard the old adage, “Communication is Key.” It’s cliché for a reason – it’s true. One of the main reasons we co-parent together so well is that we communicate so well. My kid’s dad is the one person I know I can always get in touch with no matter what - I don't know anyone else like that. We easily split up the responsibilities of organization with the kids because we realize that we are not mind readers and we communicate openly. We created a flow in which he schedules all sports on our calendars, and I handle school.

At work, we have sessions on communication that include practicing effective listening and how to handle conflict openly, immediately, and directly.

4. Respect
When you are in a team with someone else, it’s important to be grateful for all that they bring to the table. In our relationship, we respect each other and make it fair. There is comfort in knowing he always has my back, no matter what, and that he will help with anything if needed.

At work, we respect our employees and take frequent surveys to see how they are feeling. We celebrate and appreciate our people with Star Player Awards and words of gratitude.

I realize now that I am applying mindfulness to both my professional and private life, which has been a goal of mine since 2005. Compartmentalization of my values is not an option. I take a holistic approach to, well, everything. I show up as the same person in all aspects of my life so I can better serve myself and others for our highest good.

If you would like to form a more holistic approach to success in either your personal or professional life, contact me for a customized session. I can be reached at kelam@actualizeconsulting.com

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The Power of Surveys

5/6/2019

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Have you ever had your company participate in a third party survey only to find out that the survey company wanted thousands of dollars to share the full results with you? At Actualize, in-house surveys are one of our best strategies to increase employee engagement. On a recent survey, our team expressed a desire to receive training on the topic of time management; I felt unsure about what aspects of time management I should cover.

THEN, I took my own advice and sent out another survey asking the team about their specific challenges, techniques they would like to learn more about, words of wisdom, and tips. I was able to use their survey results to create the training catered to their needs.

How can you use a survey to help your team?

Below is a video to share more ideas on the power of asking your team's opinion. I was also featured in The Medium and they highlighted the power of surveys. Click here to read the full article.

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What's On the Back of Your Business Card?

4/29/2019

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Business cards are definitely useful, but they're also easy to forget and misplace. Here are some ways to make your marketing materials rememberable, practical, and creative.

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Trusting Your Intuition Could Change the World or Save Your Life!

4/14/2019

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What is your gut telling you? What is your “leaning” on something you’re questioning, or a decision you’re trying to make? You might not be able to put it into words, but you probably have a feeling as to what’s the right next move. Can you remember a time when you did not follow your inner direction? How did it feel when you realized you should have followed your instincts?

A practice that I use is to pause so that I can give my instinct a chance to be heard. Then, I check in with myself by asking, “Does it feel good?” This question gives me a chance to feel and hear how it feels. My friends and business associates remind me to pause and listen when they ask me, “What is the (your) Kerry gut saying?” For example, I follow this practice on all our new hires. If my gut reaction is no, we will not move forward with the candidate.

Recently, my inner voice kept prompting me to send a card to a friend whose husband had passed, and I kept ignoring it as I was busy until finally, I wrote the letter. My friend called crying and said, “your letter arrived on my husband’s birthday, your words of his gentle kindness gave me comfort on such a heart-wrenching day, I read your letter almost every day.” I smiled as I was thankful; I listened to my intuition to send the day I did so that it arrived on his birthday.
Years ago, I did not realize there was scientific evidence to support the validity of my “gut reaction” (the HeartMath Institute calls your “heart reaction”), but it turns out that approaching life from your heart is better for you both physically and socially. This information has inspired me to encourage those around me to also follow their instincts as we are conditioned to ignore our intuition and yet it is critical to our well-being and success.

How do you use your intuition to your best advantage? Notice your body’s reactions - changes in heartbeat, breathing, and muscle tension. Personally, my stomach will hurt if I am not following my intuition. Balancing logic and intuition are a practice of sorting your assumptions, evidence, prejudices, and intuition you are feeling. As Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking said, “Truly successful decision making relies on a balance between deliberate and instinctive thinking.”

And yes, this is also an effective strategy to change the world and save lives. Below are some examples of fascinating stories on trusting intuition.

Trisha Coburn: After having recurring scary dreams of people trying to tell her something. Trisha said, “I was standing at a barbed-wire fence across from five or six terribly frail people with huge dark eyes and ghostly pale skin. They were trying to tell me something in a language I didn't understand. It was intense and disturbing, and it left me rattled.” She felt something was physically wrong so went to the doctor and all came back normal. When Trisha’s dreams continued with even more desperation from the people, she decided to get a colonoscopy and found out she had cancer. The doctor said if they had waited, her outcome could have been much worse.

Henry Ford: Dealing with high turnover, he doubled employee wages in 1914, which in turn reduced turnover by a factor of more than 20 while productivity doubled and demand for Ford cars boomed.

Oprah Winfrey: “Learning to trust your instincts, using your intuitive sense of what's best for you, is paramount for any lasting success. I've trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I've made mistakes is when I didn't listen.”

Bill Allen: Boeing’s CEO in the 1950s had an idea to build his own commercial jet for civilian air travel. Allen convinced the board to risk $16 million on the transcontinental airliner, the 707, which transformed Boeing and air travel.

It takes practice to tune into your intuition. Staying in the pause is powerful. It allows you to notice your physical feelings, dreams, and recurring thoughts. With practice, you can connect your heart, gut, and brain to form one unified connection. When you allow the flow of internal feelings and dialog to influence your life, you will experience more positive outcomes. Life will flow with less resistance, and while you might not change the world, you will change your world.

Pausing is part of the 3 P formula; pause to pivot to the positive. If you would like to learn more about bringing this technique to your team contact me atkelam@actualizeconsulting.com

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The Power of One Line a Day for 5 Years

4/1/2019

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Do you currently or have you ever kept a journal? I started my first “true” journal in high school during the summers and I continue to write in a designated travel journal. Other than those, I had not been consistent. In November 2016, the weekend before my childhood best friend passed, my son who was 7 years old at the time secured a 5 year memory book at a yard sale for me as he knows I love to write. As one of my best teachers, he encouraged me to start using it during the time that my friend was getting taken off life support. He monitored my progress during the months to follow until journaling became a habit and I looked forward to my daily journaling. After 3 years of consistency and seeing the year’s previous entry, I am seeing the power of one line a day. Below I share some passages and the lessons I am learning from journaling.

1.      See Patterns. I noticed I was doing the same thing over and over in relationships and after seeing my patterns, I made changes for the better.

2.      Preserve Memories. I typically will write about the fun activities I took part in that day. It is especially fun to see what I did for my kid’s birthdays each year. For example, in 2017, on my son’s birthday, “Getting Blaine out of school to miss French class (as he dislikes) for lunch and to drop off food at the food pantry. So, blessed to be Blaine’s mom.”

3.      Celebrate Progress. Upon getting my 5-year journal, I was just starting to pull together the pieces for writing my book Culture Infusion. I can see the progress over the years from writing the final copy at the pool, getting published, to now regularly teaching classes to help other organizations. It is a bit surreal.

4.      Impact of Affirmations. I am a believer in the power of affirmations. It is fascinating to watch that when I do the affirmations, more times than not, they come true. It is a reminder when I see how over the years, the clearer I am with my intentions, the more they come true. For instance, I entered a contest with Hay House, I wrote almost daily for over a month, I was going to win and I did!

5.      Prioritize Personal Wellness. The journal has also been a reminder of one of the principles in my book, Culture Infusion 9 Principles to Create and Maintain a Thriving Organizational Culture to prioritize personal wellness. I have been reminded so often in my journal that I feel better when I am moving. This passage is one example, “Inspired from Actualize’s Wellness challenge – did kickboxing class. Felt good to do a different work-out. Figured out how to help the team be more productive with a new training portal to ensure we are focusing on our team’s well-being.”

The daily consistency of writing in my journal has helped me to focus my energy on what I know serves myself and others best. Even writing just one line was powerful. How could you use journaling to enhance your day?

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Email Management Tips

3/4/2019

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Email management starts with an honest self-assessment. Is it the emails that have gotten out of control or is it how you manage your emails? Do you check them around the clock? Do you feel the need to stop what you are doing to answer an email immediately? Do you get too much spam? Here are a few tips on how to save time, reduce the quantity of emails, and focus on quality.

Email Management:

If you are on a large project, ask that all communication come from one point of contact, so you know it is important when you see it in your inbox.

Devise a naming convention system for the subject line as well to help you sort with your team. For example - FYI, Action Required, Urgent, Daily Email.

Unsubscribe from lists that are no longer necessary. I used to receive GSA schedule emails and I was on many lists for those types of contracts; I unsubscribed from all of those.

Set boundaries with your team members. Ask that they send you a summary email at the end or the beginning of the day versus emails throughout the day. If an emergency or urgent response is needed, then they can email in the middle of the day using the naming system. This helps to minimize the emails throughout the day that can bog you down.

Determine the best way for you personally to answer emails. Do you prefer only twice a day or hourly? Do you check as they come in? Choose one that works for your personality.

Create your own personal email road map that includes boundaries, prioritizing, and filters. Approach your emails with a new mindful awareness. Keep and prioritize the emails that support you and eliminate the emails that distract you. You will free up space… for creativity and productivity. For more ideas, read this article.

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Why Consistency Matters

2/19/2019

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In what aspects of your life do you have consistency? Have you noticed that the areas in which you have consistent behaviors, life is easier? As I was preparing for a Leadership training class, I came across Simon Sinek's video on why consistency matters. He mentions how we have to consistently do the same actions over and over to create results. This is true for all areas of life, especially in leadership. We have to consistently care about our people and lead by example. I consistently reach out to our team members and do my best to show them I care about them personally and professionally.

At Actualize, in 2010, we consistently started focusing on our people with our programs and actions centered around our people from how we communicate to how we set our goals and review performance. I did not even realize our turnover was at 33% until in 2016 we had zero turnover with average tenure at 8 years. We have consistently held our turnover to less than 1% for the last three years. This is a testament to why consistently focusing on your people matters. What can you do to consistently lead by example?

For more inspiration, watch Sinek's video:

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Spread Love and Make a Great Day!

2/5/2019

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Do you ever felt there is too much pressure on the one day of Valentine’s Day? I decided years ago, to declare February a month to be mindful of sharing more love with myself and others. As Maya Angelou said, "love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

The video shows 5 ways you can spread love in February or any day for that matter. One of the examples is to share your favorite memory with a loved one. I sent my grandfather with dementia a picture of us making meatballs. His aid said he has been reading it over and over for days. It is the simple acts of love that make the most impact.